I'm on a lot of allergy medication right now so please take that into consideration whilst reading. I must put a disclaimer on anything I do these days because I don't want to be held responsible for any of it. If someone asks, "My God, what is wrong with her?" I want us all to be able to say (breezily), "Oh it's just all the allergy medicines she's on, you know!" This will make us more comfortable in awkward situations, I think, and absolve me of any responsibility.

So there I was, heavily medicated on three different allergy medicines, driving (ill-advisedly but I had no choice) when I saw a great dancing banana on the side of the road. I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again, fully expecting the giant dancing banana to be replaced only with chilling doubts as to my sanity, yet the dancing banana remained. "Oh, this is a nice turn of events! I am not insane," I said to myself.

The dancing banana was holding a sign that said "Honk if you love Jamba Juice!" Well there's nothing I enjoy more than a frosty Jamba Juice so in my mind I said, "Yes, Banana Dancer, I will honk for you," and I began to honk with enthusiasm. My gaze being quite fixed, as I think only makes sense when one sees a dancing banana on the side of the road, upon the sight of the large yellow lad, I neglected to notice the car in front of me had stopped to allow someone to turn into a parking lot. This man did not take kindly to my profuse honking, believing it to be directed at him, so he completely stopped his car in the middle of the road and got out.

Now stopped myself, I must confess I became rather excited at this point, for what had seemed to be a rather dull day indeed had quickly turned into something quite extraordinary. Dancing bananas and possible road rage! Things were looking up. If nothing else I would have a bloodied nose and a story to tell.

The beefy man (complete with short neck and surly brow) stopped at my bumper and threw up two impudent middle fingers at me. Through my open window I tried to explain the reason for my copious honking (whilst laughing - not a very effective way to believably explain something to an enraged person, as it turned out), which only served to exasperate him further.

At this time the Banana Dancer, feeling responsible for the situation we now found ourselves in, tried to mollify Mr. BrowAnger with a little jig and a smile and a wiggle of his sign. This did not have the intended effect. Bananas may be delicious frozen and covered in chocolate but they do not soothe a savage beast.

Mr. ShortNeck ran up to Banana Dancer, fists clenched as if ready to punch. I held my breath and reached for my door handle, ready to fly out and defend, of all things, a banana. Instead of punching Banana Dancer, however, BrowNeck just shook his fist in Banana Dancer's rapidly yellowing face, turned abruptly on his heel and stomped back to his car and drove away in a huff.

Banana Dancer and I stared at each other wordlessly before I waved and honked one last time as I drove into the sunset. (Complete disclosure: It was actually mid-morning, but it doesn't make much sense to say "as I drove into the high, mid-morning sun" now does it?)

Labels: Banana Dancer, honking, Jamba Juice, Mr. ShortNeckBrowAnger, road rage